swiggity swag whats in the bag
oh
we went upstate and my dog was being a butt and trying to swipe at fish in the lake and she fell in and when we dried her off she was still shivering so i put a sweater on her
oh my god
I told my dad that spinach smoothies were like a spiritual experience and he got mad and said “spiritual and spinach should never be used in the same sentence”
turning up to a corporate job interview with a hawaiian shirt and some confidence
You think a big boy like me is scared of a little child like you? Give me a break. Why don’t you go drink some juice and play with your choo choo trains and let us adults do the big boy talk.
You’re a joke
what
when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
Well, I don’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.
i don’t trust anyone who’s too much of a stupid shit dick to be comfortable with basic female anatomy so i guess we’re even
So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.
This isn’t funny. That’s the gateway drug to a full blown marinara addiction. It’s good this was caught before this kid started hanging out at Olive Garden and sucking on every breadstick he can find to score another hit.
